What To Do After a Violent Incident
Safety and documentation guidance.
Practical Safety Steps and Documentation Basics
1. Thinking About Safety in a Harmful Relationship
You have a right to think about your safety at your own pace. Safety planning can be useful whether you are staying, unsure, preparing to leave, or have already left.
The ideas below are not instructions, but options you may want to consider and adapt to your situation and local laws.
2. General Safety Planning Ideas
Some people find it helpful to focus on small, realistic safety steps rather than big changes all at once. Possible options include:
- Identifying safe rooms or spaces where there are exits and fewer hard objects.
- Planning a few code words or phrases with a trusted person that mean “please call me” or “please call for help.”
- Agreeing on simple check-in routines with someone you trust (for example, a daily text or call).
- Keeping some important items in an easy-to-reach place, if this is safe for you.
- Saving information about local shelters, legal aid, and support organizations somewhere discreet.
- Practicing calming or grounding techniques that help you think clearly under stress.
3. Digital and Technology Safety
Technology can be used for connection and for monitoring or control. You may want to think about:
- Whether your phone, email, or social media accounts might be monitored.
- Using strong, unique passwords and changing them from a device you believe is safer.
- Turning off location sharing in apps and on devices, where that feels safe and legal.
- Using private browsing or clearing history when you look up sensitive information.
- Creating a new email account just for important documents or communication.
4. Safety Planning Around Children and Dependents
If children or other dependents are involved, you may want to:
- Teach age-appropriate ways to get to a safer place, without putting responsibility on them to “fix” the situation.
- Help them learn how to contact a safe adult or emergency services if that is appropriate in your area.
- Share simple code words that mean “go to the agreed safe place.”
- Keep copies of birth certificates, health cards, school records, or custody documents somewhere safer if possible.
5. What “Documentation” Means in Abuse Situations
Documentation means keeping a record of what has been happening. It can help you:
- Notice patterns in the behavior over time.
- Explain your experience to a doctor, counselor, lawyer, or advocate.
- Support requests for protection, custody arrangements, or housing, depending on local laws.
- Keep track of financial impacts, injuries, threats, or property damage.
6. Ways to Document Safely
Different methods carry different safety and privacy risks. You can choose what feels safest and most manageable:
- Written log or journal: Brief notes with dates, times, and what happened. You may keep it at another location or disguised as something ordinary.
- Digital notes: Typed notes in a password-protected app, email draft, or cloud document, ideally from a device you believe is safer.
- Emailing yourself: Some people send short, factual summaries to an email account as a dated record.
- Messages to a trusted person: You can agree with someone you trust that they will keep copies of your messages.
- Medical and service records: Visits to health providers, counselors, or community agencies often generate records that may later show a pattern.
7. What to Include in a Basic Incident Log
If you choose to keep a log, you do not need long or detailed descriptions. Simple, factual notes can be effective, for example:
- Date and approximate time
- Location (home, car, public place)
- Who was present (adults, children, others)
- What was said or done in brief, neutral language
- Any injuries or property damage, if relevant
- Who you told afterward (friend, relative, doctor, police, advocate)
Some people also note how the situation affected daily life, such as missed work, medical costs, or needing to stay elsewhere.
8. Saving Messages, Calls, and Other Evidence
Depending on local laws and your safety needs, you might consider:
- Taking screenshots of text messages, social media messages, or emails and saving them to a secure location.
- Backing up photos of any visible injuries or property damage with dates if possible.
- Keeping a list of dates and times of calls, voicemails, or uninvited visits.
- Storing copies of any police reports, medical reports, or workplace incident reports.
9. Where to Store Documentation
How and where you store documentation can affect your safety. Some options people use include:
- With a trusted friend, family member, or support worker.
- In a locked drawer or container that the abusive person does not usually access.
- In a password-protected cloud account you can log into from different devices.
- At your workplace, if that feels safe and appropriate.
You may want to think about how likely it is that the abusive person checks your phone, computer, or physical spaces.
10. Balancing Safety and Documentation
Documentation can be useful, but it should not put you at extra risk. You might:
- Decide to document only some incidents, or to do it less frequently.
- Use neutral or coded language that only you and a trusted person understand.
- Ask a trusted person to be the one who stores evidence for you.
- Stop or change your documentation method if the abusive person becomes more suspicious or controlling.
If it ever feels that documenting is too risky, it is reasonable to prioritize safety and stop.
11. Getting Support With Safety Planning and Documentation
You do not have to handle safety planning or documentation alone. In many areas, domestic violence advocates, legal aid clinics, and community organizations can help you think through options that fit your situation and local laws. You can also explore additional support options through resources listed at DV.Support.
If you choose to contact a helper, you might ask:
- What they do with your information and how they store records.
- Whether your notes, messages, or photos could be shared without your consent.
- How documentation is usually used in local legal or housing processes.