Digital Abuse: Signs to Watch For
How technology can be used to monitor or control.
Misuse of Devices and Accounts in Abusive Relationships
What “Misuse of Devices and Accounts” Means
Misuse of devices and accounts is when someone uses technology to monitor, control, intimidate, or isolate you. This can happen in romantic relationships, family relationships, shared housing, or caregiving situations.
It can involve phones, laptops, tablets, smart home devices, email, social media, and many other tools you use every day.
Common Ways Devices Can Be Misused
People causing harm may use your devices or shared devices in ways that reduce your privacy or independence.
- Taking or holding your phone or laptop so you cannot use it freely or privately.
- Installing apps without your knowledge, such as tracking, “security,” or remote-access tools.
- Turning on location sharing in maps, photos, or “find my device” features to see where you are.
- Going through your messages, photos, or call history without your permission.
- Refusing to return your device after “borrowing” it.
- Damaging or destroying devices so you have less access to information or support.
- Setting up devices in their name only so they can shut off or control your access later.
Misuse of Online Accounts
Control can also happen through accounts you use for communication, money, work, or everyday life.
- Demanding your passwords or PINs for email, banking, social media, or work accounts.
- Logging into your accounts secretly and reading or deleting your messages.
- Impersonating you online, such as sending messages from your accounts.
- Locking you out by changing passwords, recovery emails, or security questions.
- Turning on two-factor authentication to their number so codes go to them instead of you.
- Using your accounts for financial control, like moving money or opening accounts in your name.
Smart Home and “Internet of Things” Misuse
Smart devices in your home or car can be turned into tools for monitoring or harassment.
- Smart cameras and doorbells used to watch who comes and goes.
- Smart locks controlled remotely to lock you in or out.
- Smart speakers used to listen in on conversations or control home settings.
- Thermostats, lights, or alarms turned on and off to disturb sleep or cause stress.
- Car tracking systems or apps that show your location or driving routes.
How This Connects to Domestic Abuse
Misuse of devices and accounts is often part of a wider pattern of control, not a one-time argument or misunderstanding.
- It can limit your privacy, making it harder to talk safely with friends, family, or services.
- It can restrict your movement if you feel constantly watched or tracked.
- It can affect your money and work if someone interferes with banking, benefits, or work tools.
- It can damage your reputation through impersonation, threats, or sharing private information.
If this is happening to you, it may be a form of technology-facilitated abuse and part of domestic or family violence.
Possible Signs Your Tech Is Being Misused
These signs do not prove anything on their own, but some people notice patterns such as:
- The other person seems to know where you are even when you did not tell them.
- Messages you never saw appear as “read” or are missing.
- You are unexpectedly logged out of accounts, or passwords stop working.
- Your device battery drains unusually fast or feels warm often.
- New apps you did not download appear on your phone or laptop.
- Smart home devices change settings when you are not using them.
Things You May Want to Consider
Everyone’s situation is different. Some changes might increase your safety, while others could create more conflict if the other person notices. You are the best judge of your circumstances.
- Think about what the other person can realistically access (devices, shared accounts, home Wi‑Fi, smart systems).
- Decide which changes you can make without drawing attention, if secrecy is important for your safety.
- Where possible, use a different device or internet connection that they cannot easily access when seeking information about safety.
- Consider gradual changes instead of many sudden changes that might be noticed.
- If it feels safe, keep basic notes of concerning incidents, such as dates, times, and what you observed.
You can explore additional support options and information about technology misuse through resources listed at DV.Support.
Finding More Digital Safety Information
Misuse of devices and accounts is one part of digital safety. You may want to learn more about:
- How to review common phone, email, and social media settings.
- Ways to use two-factor authentication and recovery options more safely.
- Options for using safer devices or networks when looking for help.
- What to think about before changing passwords or turning off tracking, especially if someone might react strongly.
For further ideas and step-by-step checklists, you may want to read more on our dedicated digital safety page.