How Abusers Use Social Media Against Survivors

Online tactics to be aware of.

Impersonation and Monitoring in Abusive Relationships

What Are Impersonation and Monitoring?

In harmful or abusive relationships, technology can be used to control, frighten, or isolate someone. Two common tactics are impersonation and monitoring.

You may want to consider whether these patterns feel familiar in your situation. Noticing them does not mean you are to blame. It can simply help you name what is happening.

Impersonation: Pretending to Be You

Impersonation is when someone uses your identity without permission, especially online. They may pretend to be you to damage your reputation, gain information, or control who you talk to.

Examples of Impersonation

• Creating a fake social media profile in your name and posting messages you did not write
• Sending emails or messages to your friends, family, or coworkers while logged into your accounts
• Responding to potential employers, landlords, or schools as if they are you
• Using your phone number for verification codes, then resetting your passwords
• Using your photos to create dating profiles or other accounts without your consent
• Answering calls or texts on your device and pretending to be you

Why Abusers Use Impersonation

• To damage your relationships or reputation
• To isolate you from friends, family, or work opportunities
• To punish you for setting boundaries or trying to leave
• To gain access to your private information, finances, or location
• To make it harder for others to believe you if you disclose the abuse

Possible Impacts of Impersonation

• Confusion when people receive messages you never sent
• Embarrassment or fear that others may believe lies about you
• Loss of opportunities (jobs, housing, school) if someone interferes behind your back
• Feeling like you have lost control over your own identity

Monitoring: Watching, Tracking, and Checking Up

Monitoring is when someone repeatedly watches what you are doing, often without your full consent, and uses that information to control or intimidate you.

Examples of Digital Monitoring

• Constantly checking your phone, messages, or call logs
• Requiring that you share your passwords or unlock your devices on demand
• Using location-sharing or “Find My” features to see where you are at all times
• Logging into your email, social media, or banking accounts to see what you are doing
• Using home cameras, smart speakers, or doorbell cameras to watch and listen
• Installing tracking or parental control apps on your phone, tablet, or computer

Examples of Offline Monitoring

• Showing up uninvited at your work, school, or social events
• Questioning your movements and demanding “proof” of where you were
• Asking others to report on you (“let me know if you see them with anyone”)
• Following you in a car or on foot

How Monitoring Can Feel

• Like you have no privacy or personal space
• Like you must explain or justify every action
• Fearful that any ordinary activity could be used against you
• Worried that you are being watched or listened to even when alone

When Is Monitoring or Impersonation Abusive?

Some people share passwords or locations voluntarily in healthy relationships. The difference is in choice, respect, and safety.

Behaviors may be abusive when one or more of these is true:

• You feel pressured, afraid, or unable to say no
• They retaliate, sulk, or threaten you if you want privacy
• They use information to insult, shame, control, or punish you
• They hide what they are doing or deny it when confronted
• You feel less safe or more isolated because of their access to your information

Warning Signs You Might Be Impersonated

• People mention messages or posts you do not recognize
• You see login alerts from devices or locations you do not know
• Account settings, profile pictures, or email forwarding rules change without your action
• Password reset emails arrive when you did not request them
• You are locked out of accounts or see that your recovery email/phone was changed

Warning Signs You Might Be Monitored

• They know your movements, plans, or conversations you never told them about
• Your phone battery drains unusually fast, or data use is unexpectedly high
• They insist on “helping” you set up devices or apps and refuse to explain the settings
• They react angrily when you adjust privacy or security settings
• Smart-home devices turn on, off, or change settings without your input

Your Rights Around Privacy and Identity

Specific laws vary by place, but in many areas you may have rights that include:

• The right to control who uses your identity, photos, and accounts
• The right to have your devices and communications kept private
• The right to say no to sharing passwords, PIN codes, or biometrics
• The right to close or change accounts that feel unsafe
• The right to seek support if someone is stalking, impersonating, or harassing you

For some people, contacting a legal aid organization, victim service agency, or trusted advocate can help clarify which laws may apply in your area.

Safer-Planning Around Impersonation and Monitoring

Everyone’s situation is different. You may decide to take some steps now, some later, or none at all. You remain the expert on what feels survivable and safest in your circumstances.

Possible Steps if You Suspect Impersonation

• Keep screenshots or notes of fake accounts, messages, or profile changes when it is safe to do so
• Quietly review your email and social media account settings, including recovery contacts and forwarding rules
• Consider changing passwords on a device you believe is not monitored, using unique, strong phrases
• Where available, turn on two-factor authentication using a method the other person cannot access
• Let trusted contacts know, if you feel safe, that some messages might not actually be from you

Possible Steps if You Suspect Monitoring

• Notice patterns: when do they seem to know more than you shared directly?
• Review what information you share publicly (for example, social media posts with location details)
• Consider using a separate device or account for sensitive planning, if it is safe and realistic
• Think about whether limiting location sharing or smart-home access could be done gradually and safely
• Speak with a support person or advocate (if available) from a different device or location, when safe

Supporting Someone Experiencing Impersonation or Monitoring

If someone tells you they are being impersonated or monitored, you may help simply by believing them and respecting their choices.

• Listen without judging or minimizing what they describe
• Ask what they want, rather than deciding for them
• Avoid making sudden tech changes on their behalf unless they ask you to
• Offer to keep copies of screenshots or notes, if this feels useful and safe
• Check whether the person wants you to change how you contact them (for example, different apps or times)

Emotional and Practical Considerations

Impersonation and monitoring can create constant stress and a feeling of being watched. This can affect sleep, concentration, work, school, and relationships.

You may want to consider:

• Finding small areas of life where you can still make choices freely
• Identifying at least one person or service you could talk to about what is happening, if safe
• Keeping any safety or exit planning as flexible as possible, in case the situation changes

Recommended Articles

• Understanding Digital and Online Abuse
• Technology Safety Planning Basics
• Stalking and Cyberstalking: Key Signs and Options
• Gaslighting and Manipulation in Relationships
• How to Support Someone in an Abusive Relationship