How to Stay Safe After Leaving
Digital and emotional safety tips after leaving.
Privacy, Passwords, and Networks: Basics for Staying Safer Online
1. Why Digital Privacy Matters in Abusive Situations
People who cause harm sometimes misuse technology to monitor, control, or intimidate. They may:
- Look through your phone, email, or social media
- Guess or demand your passwords
- Connect devices to home Wi‑Fi to watch what you do
- Use “Find my phone” or shared accounts to track your location
You may not be able to block all monitoring, but you can learn what is happening and decide which steps feel safe and realistic for you.
2. Understanding Privacy on Shared Devices
Phones, tablets, and computers can reveal a lot about you, especially when they are shared or controlled by someone else. On a shared or monitored device, assume the person may be able to see:
- Browser history (websites you visited)
- Search history (what you looked up)
- Text messages and call logs
- Photos, notes, and calendar events
- Locations you have been, if location services are on
Questions to help assess device privacy
- Who set up this device and the accounts on it?
- Do they know or control the device passcode?
- Are you signed in to any accounts that you both use (Apple ID, Google, phone carrier portal, cloud storage)?
- Have they ever shown knowledge of your private activity that you did not share with them?
Your answers may guide whether it is safer to use this device for private planning, or to use another option (for example, a work device, library computer, or a trusted friend’s phone).
3. Stronger Passwords: Simple Principles
Passwords are often the first line of defense. Someone close to you may easily guess passwords that use:
- Birthdays, anniversaries, or children’s names
- Pet names or favorite sports teams
- Simple patterns like “1234” or “password”
Features of a stronger password
- At least 12 characters, if the site allows it
- A mix of letters, numbers, and symbols
- Not based on information the person hurting you would know well
- Unique for each important account (email, banking, social media, cloud backups)
Simple ways to create memorable but harder-to-guess passwords
- Use a phrase plus changes, such as a line from a song or book with numbers and symbols added.
- Combine several unrelated words with small changes (for example, upper/lowercase, symbols between words).
4. Managing Passwords Safely
Where you keep passwords can affect your safety and privacy.
Options for storing passwords
- Written on paper in a safe place – May be safer if the person has remote access to your devices, but less safe if they frequently search your belongings.
- Browser “save password” feature – Convenient but risky on shared devices, especially if they know the device passcode.
- Password manager apps – Can be helpful, but only if the master password and app itself are not visible or suspicious in your situation.
When you may want to change a password
- You notice logins from devices or locations that are not yours.
- They mention things that suggest they can read your messages or see private activity.
- You recently separated or are planning to separate.
- You gave them a password in the past, even under pressure.
When changing passwords, you may want to start with the accounts that control other accounts, such as your main email or Apple/Google account.
5. Two-Factor Authentication (2FA) Basics
Two-factor authentication adds an extra step at login, such as a code sent to your phone or an authentication app. This can make it harder for someone to enter an account even if they know the password.
Possible benefits
- Reduces the risk of them accessing your email and social media from another device.
- Can alert you to new login attempts when you receive unexpected codes.
Possible risks in abusive situations
- If codes are sent by SMS to a phone they can see, they may notice and become suspicious.
- If they control the phone number on the account, they may use codes to lock you out.
- Approval prompts may pop up on shared devices where they can notice them.
You may want to:
- Check which phone numbers or emails are used as recovery options.
- Avoid adding a recovery method that they can see or control.
- Consider authentication methods that are less visible to them, when available.
6. Email Accounts and Privacy
Email is often the “key” to many other accounts, because password resets usually go there. Someone with access to your email can often:
- Reset passwords for your other accounts
- Read your communication with services, banks, or support organizations
- See confirmations for appointments or orders
Things you may want to review
- Forwarding rules – Check if your email is set to automatically forward copies to another address.
- Connected apps – See if any apps or services have access to read your emails.
- Login history – Some email providers show recent login locations and devices.
Considering a separate email
Some people choose to create a new, private email account used only for safety planning, legal information, or support. If you do this, you may want to:
- Choose a name that does not easily identify you.
- Avoid saving the password on shared devices.
- Access it only from devices and networks that feel safer.
7. Social Media and Online Accounts
Social media can be used to track you, monitor your feelings, or reach your friends and family. You may decide to adjust visibility rather than fully delete accounts, depending on your situation.
Privacy checks you can consider
- Review who can see your posts, stories, and “last active” status.
- Check location tags and whether posts automatically include your location.
- Look at friend or follower lists and remove people you do not recognize or trust.
- See which devices are logged into your account and sign out of any that look unfamiliar.
If they have your social media password
- They may post as you or read your private messages.
- They might impersonate you with your contacts.
You may choose to:
- Change passwords gradually, starting with accounts that feel most important.
- Use privacy settings to limit who can message you or see new posts.
- Keep older posts but adjust them to “friends only” or similar settings, if available.
8. Home and Public Networks
A “network” is how your device connects to the internet, such as home Wi‑Fi or mobile data. The type of network you use can affect how easily someone close to you can see your activity.
Home Wi‑Fi
Someone who controls your home internet might:
- Know the Wi‑Fi password and router login
- See which devices are connected
- Install extra monitoring tools on the router
Signs they might control the network include:
- They set up the router or modem.
- The equipment is kept where only they access it.
- They mention what you were doing online without being in the room.
If this concerns you, you may consider using alternative networks for sensitive searches, such as:
- Mobile data on your phone (if they do not control the account and data use is not closely watched).
- Public Wi‑Fi in places you usually visit, like a library or trusted café.
Public Wi‑Fi
Public networks are often less controlled by the person harming you, but they can have their own privacy limits. On public Wi‑Fi, others on the same network might see some types of unencrypted activity. Still, when your main concern is someone at home monitoring you, a public network can sometimes be a safer choice for brief, important tasks.
Mobile data
Using mobile data may give you more privacy from home routers, but:
- If they pay for or manage the phone line, they may see overall data use and phone numbers called, though usually not the exact web pages.
- Sharp increases in data use could draw attention if they closely review bills.
9. Signs of Possible Digital Monitoring
No single sign proves monitoring, but patterns can give clues.
Possible indicators
- They know things you only typed or said near your devices.
- Your device battery is draining unusually fast or gets hot for no clear reason.
- New apps appear that you did not install, especially “security,” “tracking,” or “parental control” apps.
- Settings change without your input, such as location always turning back on.
- They insist on having your phone, unlock code, or staying logged into your accounts.
If you suspect monitoring, you may want to:
- Avoid searching for lawyers, shelters, or safety planning on a possibly monitored device.
- Use a safer device or network, such as a library computer or trusted friend’s phone, for private planning.
- Be cautious about suddenly deleting apps or changing settings if that is likely to be noticed.
10. Planning Digital Changes with Safety in Mind
Every situation is different. Some people can safely make big digital changes; others may need to move slowly or wait until a safer time.
Questions you might ask yourself
- How might they react if they notice new passwords or accounts?
- Do I rely on them for access to money, transportation, or child-related accounts?
- Is there a safer device or location where I can do sensitive tasks?
- Which small step would improve my privacy without drawing too much attention?
You can also explore additional support options and information about technology safety through resources listed at DV.Support, if it is safe for you to visit that site.