What to Expect When Talking to a Lawyer
How to prepare emotionally and practically for a legal consultation.
Preparing to Meet a Lawyer About Relationship Abuse
What Lawyers Commonly Ask About
Your Safety and Immediate Situation
Many lawyers will start by trying to understand your overall situation and safety needs. They may ask:
- Are you currently living with the other person?
- Do you feel afraid of them right now?
- Has there been physical harm, threats, or stalking?
- Are there any existing court orders or police reports?
- Are children or other dependents involved?
- Is anyone else at risk (for example, family members, roommates)?
Basic Background Information
Lawyers often need general background details so they can understand the context and spot possible legal issues. They might ask about:
- Your relationship history (how long you have been together, whether you are married, separated, or dating)
- Any prior breakups, separations, or attempts to leave
- Your living arrangements (lease, mortgage, shared property)
- Who pays which bills and how finances are organized
- Immigration or residency status for you and the other person
- Any past involvement with courts, child protection, or mediation
Children and Parenting
If you have children with the abusive person, a lawyer may ask:
- Children’s names, ages, and who they currently live with
- How parenting time is currently handled (formal or informal arrangements)
- Any concerns about the other person’s behavior toward the children
- School or daycare details, including who can pick the children up
- Whether the children have witnessed arguments, threats, or violence
- Any existing custody, visitation, or child support orders
Abuse History (In General Terms)
To understand possible legal options, lawyers may ask about patterns of harm, not only single events. They might ask:
- How the other person typically behaves during conflicts (yelling, threats, property damage, intimidation)
- Whether there has been physical harm, and how often
- Whether there has been sexual pressure or sexual contact you did not want
- Whether the person controls money, phone, transport, or access to friends and family
- How long the behavior has been happening and whether it is getting worse
- Any times you felt you or the children could be seriously harmed
Communication and Technology Issues
Lawyers may also ask about how the other person contacts or monitors you, including:
- Frequent or harassing calls, messages, or emails
- Tracking your phone, car, or online accounts
- Access to your passwords or shared devices
- Posting about you on social media or sharing private images
Your Goals and Priorities
Lawyers commonly want to know what outcomes matter most to you so they can tailor any legal information they give. They may ask:
- What feels most urgent right now (for example, safety, housing, children, finances)
- Whether you are thinking about staying, separating, or you are unsure
- Whether you want information about protective orders, custody, or divorce
- What you are most worried about if you take legal steps
- Any upcoming dates or deadlines (court dates, immigration, lease renewals)
What You May Want to Bring
You do not have to have everything organized before talking with a lawyer. However, some items can help them understand your situation more quickly and accurately.
Identification and Basic Details
It may be useful to bring:
- Photo ID (for example, driver’s license, passport, state ID)
- Contact information for you and the other person
- Children’s full names, dates of birth, and addresses where they have lived
- Any important dates (marriage, separation, previous court orders, major incidents)
Existing Court or Official Documents
If you have any of these, you may want to bring copies:
- Previous or current protective / restraining orders
- Police reports or incident numbers (if available)
- Any criminal charges or case papers involving either of you
- Family court orders (custody, visitation, child support, spousal support)
- Divorce or separation documents, if any
- Child protection / social services letters or reports
Relationship and Living Situation Records
Items that describe your relationship and living arrangements can be helpful, such as:
- Marriage certificate, if you are married
- Lease, mortgage documents, or property deeds
- Bills that show who pays what (utilities, rent, mortgage, insurance)
- Proof of who lives at the home (mail, school records, official letters)
- Any written agreements between you and the other person (even informal)
Financial Information
To help a lawyer understand money and property issues, you may consider bringing:
- Recent pay stubs or income records for you (and for them, if you have access)
- Bank or credit card statements (even partial or older ones)
- Information about joint accounts, loans, or debts
- Car ownership documents, insurance, and loan information
- Any documents related to benefits, pensions, or support payments
Evidence of Abuse
You may or may not feel ready to share evidence. If you do, a lawyer may find these items useful:
- Photos of injuries or property damage (with dates if possible)
- Text messages, emails, or voicemails with threats, insults, or pressure
- Social media posts that show harassment, threats, or control
- Medical records related to injuries or stress
- Notes about significant incidents (dates, what happened, who was present)
- Names of any witnesses who saw or heard key events
You can often bring these on paper or in digital form. You may want to ask the lawyer how to share digital data safely, especially if devices are shared or monitored.
Questions and Notes From You
It can be easy to forget what you wanted to ask. You might consider bringing:
- A written list of your main concerns or questions
- Notes about what has been happening and what you are considering next
- Any deadlines or dates that worry you
Privacy, Confidentiality, and Safety Considerations
Sharing Information Safely
You can tell the lawyer if there are topics you are not ready to discuss. You may also want to mention if:
- The other person monitors your phone, email, or online accounts
- They have previously found or reacted to legal information
- You are using a device or email that the other person can access
This information can help the lawyer choose safer ways to communicate with you.
Bringing a Support Person
You may want to ask in advance if you can bring a friend, family member, or advocate for emotional support. Be aware that:
- In some places, sharing private information in front of a third person can affect legal confidentiality rules.
- Some lawyers prefer to speak with you alone first, then include a support person.
You can ask the lawyer how they handle this and what it means for your privacy before deciding.
What You Can Expect in a First Meeting
Information-Gathering
The first meeting is usually focused on:
- Listening to your description of the situation
- Asking follow-up questions to understand risks and priorities
- Reviewing key documents you brought
- Explaining, in general terms, which legal areas might be involved
Possible Next Steps (Information, Not Instructions)
The lawyer may explain possible legal processes that could apply (for example, family court, protective orders, or criminal proceedings). You can ask:
- What options exist in situations like yours
- What risks or downsides may come with each option
- What kinds of evidence are usually helpful
- What timelines are typical
You can explore additional support options through resources listed at DV.Support, which gathers information from various services.
Questions You May Want to Ask the Lawyer
You are allowed to ask questions so you can understand what the lawyer can and cannot do. You might consider asking:
- What type of law they mainly practice (for example, family law, criminal law, immigration)
- Whether they have experience with domestic or intimate partner abuse situations
- How they prefer to communicate (phone, email, secure portal)
- What their fees are, what is free, and what payment options exist
- Whether there are low-cost or pro bono options, or referrals, if you cannot afford them
- What you should avoid doing that might unintentionally harm your legal position